


It's Never Safe

by Phoebsfan



Category: Alias (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-13
Updated: 2002-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:41:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24897844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoebsfan/pseuds/Phoebsfan
Summary: Syd and Vaughn in the SD-6 parking garage
Relationships: Sydney Bristow/Michael Vaughn
Kudos: 2





	It's Never Safe


    It's never safe for us.  Here she is standing in front of me in the SD-6 parking garage and all I want to do is pull her close.
    
    I almost lost her tonight.  I just want to reassure myself that she is really here and ok.  I wonder if she wants the physical confirmation as well.
    
    Her smile is amazing, but when is it not.  When did I get so wrapped up in Sydney Bristow.  When did I cross that line that no handler should cross.
    
    Maybe they're right.  Maybe I am too involved but hell who wouldn't be.  
    
    It's never safe for us.
    
    Even here, with no one but ourselves and the CIA extraction team.  Especially not here.  If I ever have any hope of being with her in anyway, I have to acknowledge that here is more dangerous then any gas station, park bench, or pier.  
    
    Because here our fates are decided.  
    
    It's dangerous for me to stay any longer.  Dangerous for me to think the way I'm thinking.  About the curves I'd like to get to know better, about the lips I'd like to test, about the soul that hides behind her broken eyes.
    
    Dangerous it may be, but I can't stop myself from thinking about it.
    
    I want to touch her so badly.  To feel her skin warm under my hand.  But I'll settle for anything right now.
    
    I reach out and place my hand on her side.  I try not to think about how she feels there, just to the side of her perfectly toned stomach.  I try not to think about how my fingers linger at the small of her back and my thumb falls just to the right of where her navel should be.  If I wrapped both hands around her waist I....
    
    Pulling her to me, I continue with our conversation as I let go of her.
    
    Perfume.  She jokes about it being perfume.
    
    My mind wanders back to her scent.  Even now when she smells of sweat and blood her scent is intoxicating.  But this is no time for my mind to wander and I quickly bring myself in check.
    
    It isn't safe for us and I need to get out of here as quickly as possible.
    
    Truthfully though, I'm more worried about what will happen when I see her next.  When I'm alone with her.
    
    I'm more worried about slipping up and kissing her before I leave.
    
    All night that thought has been intruding, in the strangest places too.  When she held our life in her firm and very capable hands.  I'm very grateful for those hands and they're steady nature.  But in that moment all I really wanted to do was take them in mine and kiss her.  
    
    I wondered if they'd roam over me like mine where itching to roam over her.
    
    It's not safe for us anywhere.
    
    I think tonight proved that.  
    
    I just don't know how I'm going to protect us from ourselves.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    I'm running now.  Running down the halls of SD-6, running and looking, looking for Vaughn, my handler, my friend and-oh God, a sinking feeling tells me he's so much more.
    
    Shit.  I can't have these feelings.  I can't worry for his life and mine.  It's just too much for me to handle.
    
    Where is he?  Is he ok? Did anyone find him?
    
    Right now the furthest thing from my mind is what was in that vault.  I know it's my job. I know that should be my priority.  But all I can think of is Vaughn.
    
    Damn it.
    
    I arrive at the parking garage. I see him. He's safe.  Now I can focus, and I do.  I complete my mission.
    
    I feel like laughing and crying all at once.  Laughing because I know how close we all came to death tonight and crying because I almost lost him.  
    
    After Danny I didn't think I could feel this way about anyone.  But Vaughn, he knows me.  Better then anyone ever has or ever will.
    
    Right now I just want to run to him and throw my arms around him.  Prove to myself that he is really there by holding him close to me.  And I know in my heart he wants to do the same.
    
    But it's not safe for us.  Not here. Not anywhere.  Which, right now, is more then frustrating.
    
    He settles for leading me away with his hand.  A week ago I wonder if he would have done that.  I'm not sure he would have, now it just seems natural.
    
    Natural for me to feel his warmth through my clothes and want nothing more then to feel his warmth encase me and erase all the things that I've seen and done.  
    
    I want his large hands around my waist, in my hair, on my face.  I want to feel his warmth sink into me and fix all my problems.  It's been so long since someone has touched me, held me, whispered that everything was going to be ok.
    
    That's all I want.  I only want someone to hold me.
    
    Well that's not true. I only want Vaughn to hold me.  Because Vaughn knows me.
    
    He removes his hand.  He knows as well as I do that this is dangerous.  He's not stupid.  He knows that in this instant our fates are decided.  
    
    Still I'm selfish and want more.  
    
    I joke about perfume.
    
    It's easier to lighten the mood.  Safer as well.
    
    Still we look at each other unable to hide our relief, our fears, our feelings.  I wonder if we will ever be able to make it to that Kings game.
    
    But it can wait.  And I know that it will.
    
    I just wish it didn't have to.
    
    I just wish that we could go somewhere safe.  
    
    But it's never safe for us.
    
    And I have a feeling that after tonight it's going to be a lot harder for us to pretend it is.


End file.
